selfish
by knrute
Summary: she knew she was being selfish, she knew it when she took a piece of his soul, she knew it when she kept him here in this hell. but she was only human, she was allowed to be selfish, she was allowed to love in this unfair world or so she thought. she should have known: when we call people back from the dead, they are never the same.
1. Chapter 1

She sniffed the air, calm and agonizing at the same time. She bent down and placed the bouquet of white lilies-his favorite- upon his grave. She smiled a sad small smile and rose up wiping the tears of her cheek. That's was life unfair, unjust. Depending entirely on chance, because she was certain that a father killing his own son was not something she would call justice at all. A father, she snorted, that man was anything but a father. He claimed to have loved him; he had said that he had done it for him. Oh, if only, if only he knew what he should have done maybe then maybe then he might still would have been here with her. But then again it was not like he wasn't with her; he was still here, only a part of him though.

A part of him that she had selfishly torn out of his soul with foul magic because he was supposedly been 'owing' something to her, that he hadn't returned. Of course, that was not the case, she was just selfish, Oh so terribly selfish. Selfish enough to keep him in this hell, while he could have been in a place far better than this one. But she was only human inside no matter which masks she wore so, no one should be expecting her to be perfect. She was allowed to make mistakes; she was allowed to be selfish.

"Come, chaton its time to go." She called ot to him and he obliged "sure"


	2. Chapter 2

(AN: finally, here is a new ch. you know days, when you look for motivation, other times motivation finds you. yea, just experienced something like that)

Marinette was conflicted. she was scared and confused. She didn't know why, why he was acting like that, he claimed to have loved her, but then why had he grown so distant and cold towards her? She thought maybe, maybe if she bought him back, she would be happy, they would be happy. Oh how wrong she was. Tears were streaming down her face, the tears she had bottled up in herself, the tears she could now freely let out because of hawkmoth's demise.

'I still love you Marinette, but its-its not the same, I am not the same' those were the words that he spoke to her on day one. They still echoed in her head. They made her question herself, her actions. Was really only her wish? She had thought maybe; maybe he wanted to be here as well. Here with her. Turns out she was wrong, horribly wrong.

It only got worse day by day, he would just downright ignore her, as if her presence really didn't matter to him. When she looked in his eyes, they always looked like a hurricane of emotions: hurt sadness anger confusion and sometimes a glimmer of hope, but that would always be smothered when her blue bells would connect with his emerald ones. But then sometimes, they would be steel cold as if were eyes of a statue instead of the boy she loved.

Marinette was confused, should she do the right? Confess to him-that she loved him?-but that way the thing he was owing her, the thing he was supposed to have to return her-her love-that would be returned and he would vanish in a speck of light. The magic binding him here would dissolve away to nothing. But still a part of her rebelled against the idea, it still yearned for him to be here with her. What was she supposed to do?


	3. Chapter 3

What was she supposed to do? The question bothered her, very much. She was like a lost traveler searching for a ray of light in darkness.

Suddenly she heard a sound and realized he was here. It would have made her heart skip a beat if she had heard it a few months before. She smiled a bittersweet smile remembering the past, as she wiped her tears and mentally braced herself for facing him. A part of her hoping for a conversation.

"Chat?" her small timid voice didn't received a reply. "Chat?" she tried again, this time a harsh grunt was heard. "Chat please I-" "what?!" his tone was like the edge of a knife and his eyes glowed a dangerous green. "What is it Marinette?! What do you want now? Are you happy that your imprisonment magic worked? Happy I'm your captive?"Each of his words was like a dagger, wounding her already shattered and aching heart.

"Chat, I never-" but once again he cut he off "you know I don't even know why I used to love you. Maybe it was my love." he said more to himself than to her. Then suddenly he chuckled darkly and explained "you see, I loved mother so much and she disappeared. I loved my father and he turned to the one I was fated to fight. I loved you but you imprisoned me." His eyes turned in an extreme dull color and his translucent figure turned away.

Marinette gasped as she clamped her hands on her mouth to stop herself from screaming, but couldn't stop the tears rolling down her cheek. Suddenly she felt as if the room was suffocating her, it was taunting her and she knew she couldn't stay there for another second, so she took off running away from the house. a rational voice in her head did screamed at her to go back, but it was muffled by other emotions that she could not quite figure out.

She knew it was dangerous, running in the deserted streets of Paris, especially at night, but she couldn't bring herself to care about it. Why should she even care about the world anymore when she had seen her own world crumble before her? When she had heard him say that he was devoid of any feelings for her except for hatred and anger? When she felt she could take all the blame in the world and still feel guilty? guilty for what she had done.

She didn't knew when her knees collapsed, when the hot tears that were leaking out of her eyes stopped and when she started leaning towards the cold alley wall and curled in herself-Maybe to protect herself from the world, but what she knew was that the voices she heard before she lost conscious were very near to her and very familiar.

(AN if you are wondering 'how did she uploaded so fast?' then high five i was thinking about the same thing. and honestly i have no idea where the story is going. it's like its writing itself.)


	4. Chapter 4

She walked out of the door, with head exploding, dizziness clinging to her like a blanket. She bid the old man farewell, who had somehow saved her; he still hadn't told her how exactly he had lifted from that alley, even when she had asked him. she was now in a better mood determined to set things right. " _When people are brought back from the dead they are never the same."_ Those were the only words which were relevant to her situation that master fu had uttered to her. Marinette sighed she still didn't knew what she was going to do " _it is your life, your problem and the consequences will also be faced by you. You have to do what you find is best._ " master fu wasn't exactly the best at helping her in that department.

She took another deep breath. She should do the right thing and set him free; after all he was acting different, she was starting to act irrationally and besides she was exhausted with everything: those tears, misery, everything. But that all necessarily didn't meant she wanted to let him go. She was afraid of letting him go, afraid of forgetting him. She knew it was an irrational fear but it was fear nonetheless.

Involuntarily a tear rolled down her cheek, when she saw the poster of the same mime show, where she and Adrein sat next to each other. She turned her head away. And a thought flew in her head: she knew she had to let him go; it wasn't a matter of 'if' it was a matter of 'when', but could she really do it? She had been fighting monsters with uncanny abilities for years, but could she really fight herself?

The truth was: she didn't know. she didn't knew for how long she could carry this weight of guilt on her shoulders, for how long she could continue fighting with herself like this, but what she did knew was that it was her battle and it was not only selfish but unfair of her as well to keep him captive here.

Master was right it was her story, her choices and her consequences to face and it was her choice to let him go free. hopefully he would forgive her. for everything

she had done.

(AN: sorry for updating after so long couldn't stop procrastinating )


	5. Chapter 5

She looked at the seemingly innocent jewel on her hand. It was source of the magic tying him here. _I should probably break it_ \- Her thoughts were abruptly halted when she heard the pitter-patter of the rain. She looked up at the grey sky and cursed it for reminding her of Adrien again. She sighed deeply she couldn't help it at this point of her life; he was the center it, quite forcefully.

After a short eternity, she reached the backdoor of her house, half drenched and the only source of noise in the dead of night. Silently she thanked the blessing in disguise, which was: her parents were still asleep because she was not in the mood to talk about this calamity.

She climbed the stairs to her room and for once in her life, didn't trip on them; partially because she was trying so hard-and failing- to concentrate on anything other than then her mission. Finally, she reached her room and called out to him. The familiar and strange sensation of being showered by cold water returned as his translucent figure formed in front of her.

She swallowed the lump in her throat and without looking at him she pulled out the pendant. "Chat" tears that she desperately didn't wanted to fall, fell down from her eyes ' _so this is what goodbyes feel like'_ "I'm sorry, I know it's-it's too la-late" her voice trembled and trailed off as she forced herself to look at him _, 'probably for the last time'_ she thought with remorse.

But when their eyes met she had the surprise of her life: instead of his cold and dull eyes peering in to her soul, his warm bright eyes looked at her lovingly and his expression was serene. "It is never too late Marinette. But let's leave all that behind us and focus on what's coming" his voice dropped to a whisper "they are coming. They have found me."

Dumbstruck for a moment at the bizarreness of the atmosphere, his words and a strange sensation, she froze. What was happening? Why was she having a feeling of being watched? What had happened to him? Worries swamped her already troubled mind, but she managed to squeak out "who-who's coming?" And to her great confusion he made no replies, instead preferring to disappear away from her.

...

um, cliffhanger?


End file.
